Boundaries

I think that I always expected, or at the very least hoped, that as children our parents taught us "boundaries". Boundaries as in invisible lines that you never cross so that you can maintain a relationship with the rest of the world. Boundaries so that you don't upset or spin someone's life out of control. I can remember when I was in my twenties I had a friend that was having "relations" with two brothers and the brothers did not know about each other as her lover. I think that I am a very tolerant and loving person - a kind of "live and let live" person but this bothered me on boundary-type level. While have drinks one evening with her we talked about it. I asked her if she realized the ramifications of what she was doing, how it would cause such a domino effect of despair for that entire family if they each found out. I could see a family divided by two brothers fighting, one not going to Thanksgiving or Christmas with the family if the other attends. A mother and father and other siblings having to take sides, the exhaustion of this deep crack in their family that was brought on by an outside party. That's how I felt. She, on the hand, shrugged and said it was just the way that it was. Boundaries - missing a social boundary. Lately I had the experience of someone crossing a huge boundary with me. HUGE, as in I am having trouble sleeping, crying at odd times, and feeling horrible. This was brought on my a neighbor. Yes, a neighbor that was suppose to be a friend. Her husband and my husband are best friends, she and I are, well, acquaintances of sorts that do things together as two couples because of our husbands. My husband is currently out of town while his mother has major surgery so I am at home with my son. This woman took it upon herself to come over the other day and say "I'd like to talk you". I immediately thought it had something to do with my son because she complains about my son all of the time because it is easier that blaming her own son. I said "okay" and we proceeded to my Florida room in the back. This woman went on about my marriage, about my relationship with my husband of 18 years. How horrible I was, repeating a story that was just not true in the way that she repeated it, and how, since I have been out of work, how useless and unhelpful I am and placing such a burden on him. At first I listened and when she started with the story I started laughing saying "oh really, but..." she interrupted and said "I'M NOT LAUGHING". Really? It was at this point my common sense kicked in and I realized I was trying to justify and explain something that clearly was not her business. My very own mother or sister would not sit down and say the things that she said to me. SHE'S A NEIGHBOR! Obviously there is something going on in my marriage but obviously it is between my husband and me. I thought "how dare she". I said "hey, you know what - I don't think that is really your business or your call and I would like you to leave please". She responded by crossing her arms and saying "no, I'm not going". If you are reading this, are you thinking WTF? Yep, me too. I walk to garage door and open it for her and say "leave please". Nope, she says that I am "LUCKY" that it was her over here talking to me and not her husband! Whoa, really. It equated to "you are lucky your dad isn't here". The whole incident ended with me screaming at the top of my lungs TO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Other neighbors heard. The last thing she said to me was "you are going to be all alone blah blah" I didn't hear the rest. I have seen this woman cross boundaries before with other people and other people's families. Actually I have seen it many times with her, but it sure is different when it happens to you. This leaves me wondering... have I taught my son boundaries? Does he know that he shouldn't cause problems for other families? I would like to think that he does but I'm going to have a long conversation with him - especially since he heard and saw the yelling that day. (At one point she was trying to call him over to tell him stuff as well). Whatever my decision in my life I come to it will be mine and mine alone. This is my life. Until someone walks in my shoes and knows all my thoughts and secrets they should back off. All I can say is Shame On Her.